Am in Tibet - finally!

After a few days in Lhasa, you certainly notice the effect of "Sinocization" that has happened here since the Chinese takeover. Even Tibet has not escaped the clutches of China's worst social vice, the dreaded karaoke. Getting out of the city is what it's all about, so I spent a few days trekking in the mountains with 3 others. Poking your head out of a tent to see the spectacular Himalayan scenery of snow-capped mountains, nomad tents and herds of yaks is enough to get even me out of bed early!

The locals are often curious about foreigners camping in the mountains; during our treks we would get frequent visits from villagers and nomads. One morning I emerged bleary-eyed to find a nomad watching me. By the time we got the tent down we had accumulated a crowd of 11 people and 3 horses watching 2 of us eat porridge and brush our teeth!

While we were at Nam-Tso lake I decided to visit the nearest nomads' tents. I broke the ice by showing them everything I had in my pockets - they were particularly intrigued by my zoom lens and my swiss army knife. Next thing they invited me in for tea, and pretty soon they were plying me with yak's cheese (not amazing), and I was exchanging my cap and sunglasses for the red thing that the men wear on their heads, which caused considerable amusement among my host family. I also tried on the yakskin coat,

The chinese government have certainly tried pretty hard to stamp out tibetan culture. Since the invasion in 1951, they have killed 1.2 million people, and destroyed 99% of the 6000 holy buildings. Ultimately the most effective tactic though, is the flooding of the area with Han chinese, who now form over 50% of the population of Tibet (or just 6% if you believe the Chinese government). They even used monasteries for target practice. Hard to believe that most Chinese genuinely believe that they are helping the tibetans. Lhasa itself, the forbidden city and home to the Dalai Lama, is rapidly being converted inot yet another Chinese city with dull communist architecture a-plenty. They even had the gall to erect a monument last year commemorating the "liberation" of Tibet - right opposite the Potala!!

All monks are now vetted by the government to eliminate pro-independence thinking in the monkhood. Believe it or not, many of the monks are actually spies placed there by the Chinese to keep tabs on the monasteries. A couple of years ago, two American tourists handed out a tape of the Dalai Lama's lates speech on tape to a monk, who later identified them and they were deported!!

Have been here nearly 2 weeks, and tomorrow we leave for the nepali border. This is an 8-day trip in a landcruiser, including 4 days trekking to the base camp of the mountain whose Tibetan name is "Chomolongma".

16th August, 2002: Chengdu, China
Just arrived in Chengdu after another mammoth 30-hour trip from the south-west, where I spent a couple of days doing a fantastic hike through the Yangtze valley at Tiger Leaping Gorge. The scenery was fantastic, and we were accompanied by the sound of explosions all day long; the government is building a road at the bottom of the valley to cart busloads of chinese tourists up and down. In the evening we sat on the terrace of a local guy's house watching the sun set on the mountains across the valley and I got chatting to a chinese businessman. I particularly wanted to know what aspects of communism still remained. He told me that as of about 10 years ago, China is not really communist at all. In fact apart from the lack of democracy or freedom of speech (neither of which are specifically communist), the country is more capitalist than Britain was in the 1970s. Since the government sold off 70% of the businesses it owned, China's economy has grown at around 8% per year. The only remnant of communist policy is the fact that land ownership is illegal - you can own your house but you rent the land off the government.

The glacier at Shangri-la (one of about 20 places in the world claiming to be the "real" Shangri-la) was amazing. Standing next to this awesome and ancient lump of snow and ice, it is eerily quiet. But f you listen carefully, every now and then you hear the creak and cracking of the glacier inching its way downhill at a rate of a couple of centimetres a year.

The Chinese tourists are highly entertaining. They tend to roam around in herds, shepherded by a tour guide with a large yellow flag and a megaphone. They like to take photos of each other standing in front of (and if possible blocking the view of) whatever it is they are visiting. So for example there are always flocks of tourists jostling for position in front of the waterwheel in Lijiang. The strangest thing is that they are apparently not allowed to smile in their photos. They either stare stone-faced at the camera, hands by their sides, or adopt some kind of neutral "catalogue pose".

One of the more amusing traits of the Chinese is the singing. On a bus the other day we were slightly bemused to find that many of them burst into song, or just sing along quietly to themselves, whenever someone turns the stereo on. I have to say I think it's great that in a country where freedom of speech is not allowed, they still have freedom of song!! If I was a Chinese person coming to England I would be very surprised that for all our talk of having freedom of speech, we can't sing in public when we feel like it for fear of appearing slightly mad. Even the waitress was humming away to herself the other day. Unfortunately they have an unnerving passion for the carpenters here, and karaoke has taken over in a depressingly big way.

Have just completed some fairly horrific bus rides; 12 hours at a time punctuated by several stops for landslides. The most dramatic was the other day when the mud was still pouring across the road 2 metres deep, while one forlorn yellow digger at the other end toiled away for 2 hours to clear the road. The buses always end up having to gingerly pick their way round, over or through the remains of landslides as the passengers are literally thrown from their seats by the lurching bus, and we pass groups of locals up to their knees in mud trying to free trucks. 67 people were buried by a landslide yesterday in Southern China. You can imagine our relief when we got on a fast, smooth and comfortable night train to Chengdu with mercifully long beds.

Near Chengdu stands the world's tallest buddha statue. At 71m it dwarfed the number 2 contender which was blown up by the Taliban a few years back. Now the local authority, keen to make a bit of cash, are planning to build the world's largest billboard (40,000 sq m) at its feet. Good plan stan!

While in Chengdu I went to visit the Panda research base, the world's foremost panda breeding centre, brought to you by those nice people at Chengdu cigarette company and American General Life Insurance company. Yes, China, the bastion of communism, has succumbed to that bizarre habit of corporate sponsorship of unrelated animals, like "The lions at Taronga zoo brought to you by ING" and all that carry-on. I have to admit though that the pandas were exceptionally cute. The babies were clumsy to the point that I wondered if somebody had been putting rice-wine in the water supply. They were all over the shop!

The police state makes its presence felt. Just the other day I returned to a town after a week to find that the (great) hostel I had stayed at was closed to foreigners until further notice, thanks to those friendly folks at the PSB (Public Security Bureau). Also I can't access the BBC news website, what with it being full of wrong, anti-Chinese propaganda. I suppose I am happier and more productive not knowing what's happening in the bourgeouis countries of the west.

Talking of which hope you are all revelling in decadence. Enjoy the BBC.

Matt

5th August, 2002: Shangri-La - Zhongdian, China
Well, it still feels a little strange but I am in China! I wasn't really sure what to expect; you don't see many tourist images from inside China. Coming from Laos, it seems like the land of milk and honey! Paved roads, more than one bus a day, wow. Had a harsh introduction into the size of the country though. A bus between Mengla and Kunming (in the same province, and an inch apart on the map) took 24 hours in a fast bus. Well it is the world's third largest country after all. The bus had no seats, just bunk beds. Needless to say they were all about 6 inches too small for me as they were designed for chinese people!

Kunming was modern, ostensibly quite wealthy, and fairly attractive. I was expecting dreary communist architecture, empty shops, beggars, crap public services, but the reality was very different: shiny buildings, pedestrian areas, big shopping centres, good public transport. It was a bit like how I imagine a large Japanese city, but with about ten times less people and ten times as many bikes.

The people are a bit strange though; not being rude, but they spit ALL the time. I'm not just talking the odd 'pht', I mean big 30 second hawking sessions followed by a high-powered projectile launch. No-one is immune; in fact old ladies seem to be the worst perpetrators. Also one third of the world's cigarettes are smoked here in China; bus rides require gas masks.

My mandarin is so far pretty limited - numbers, hello, thankyou etc - but I do know how to say: "I don't eat dog", an important phrase as we discovered; when wandering round the market, we found a skinned dog hanging up! Weird language though - no words for yes, no or please.

The food is absolutely fantastic. If the restaurant doesn't have an English menu, and you don't have your phrasebook on you, you are invited into the kitchen to point to the ingredients you want! This point-and-eat approach works fine as long as you know what you are looking at: chickens' feet are pretty easy to recognise and avoid, but the dubious lumps of meat have turned me into a raving herbivore.

I came across the following phrase (from a Chinese regional tourism brochure) the other day which I thought was an amusing summary of China conservation policy:

The giant salamander (grade 1 endangered species) is of great scientific interest and is used for scientific experiments as well as entertainment in the zoo.

I visited Dali, which is an old walled town with fantastic amounts of traditional chinese buildings. Unfortunately there are also huge amounts of tourists (mostly chinese) which does take away from the atmosphere somewhat... But I managed to getaway from the tourists by taking a couple of days to bike off into the countryside. It was great; pottering around markets, cycling through minority villages, and beautiful views of the lake. Lijiang was even better; windy cobbled streets and lots of canals. There was a torch festival on, which meant lots of people wandering around after dark with flaming torches, bonfires in the street, and unfortunately huge numbers of chinese tourists. Taking off to the countryside my Dutch cycling companion and I visited some little villages and monasteries. Patrick soon got himself involved with local football matches and pool-sharking chinese. Bizarrely, we also came across the local croquet club; lots of old men taking it very seriously. We managed to find "the famous Dr. Ho", he of the herbal tea which Bruce Chatwin raved about. I agree with John Cleese; "Interesting bloke, crap tea".

Without wishing to lower the tone too much, I really do have to tell you about the loos in China. A bare room with a rectangular slit in the concrete floor is about all you can expect; squat down and get on with it. However public conveniences are even better. After a lot of thought the Chinese came up with a fiendishly cunning design which any architect would be proud of: several parallel concrete troughs in the floor. No messing around with cubicles or privacy or anything silly like that. I suppose this way it's more conducive to having in-depth political discussions with your fellow crapper. Being able to comment on the state of the others bowels, the prodigious maggot population at your feet etc helps to break the ice, too.

Am in the town which claims to be the inspiration for Shangri-La in James Hilton's 1933 book "Lost Horizon". We are at 3550m altitude, 30km from Tibet, and about to go trekking on a glacier. Bring it on.



Matt

PS Did you know that in the 20th century over 170 million people were killed by their own governments?

14th July, 2002: Vientiane, Laos

Arrived in Vientiane (Laos) after a sweaty, knee-breaking, and generally hellish 33 hour bus ride from Hanoi. Supposed to be "only" 22 hours (non-stop in an air con bus - ho ho ho), it involved abandoned / evicted passengers, corrupt border guards, and drug-running passengers. When we arrived at 2 am we got on a tuk tuk to the town centre, which then ran out of petrol. Finally we made it to town only to find the first 6 hotels we tried were all full...

Now that my legs are working again I have had a look around - this place has the best French colonial architecture I've seen anywhere so far, and lots of temples and monks in bright orange robes. This means that I will be taking lots more slightly amusing photos of monks doing un-monk-like things, such as watching football on the box, smoking, and sending text messages. Vientiane is also the only capital city I've ever seen to have no cinemas, cash points, or traffic to speak of.

It's a far cry from the hectic streets of Hanoi, alive with the romantic sounds of tooting moped horns, irritating ice-cream vendor jingles (Dean and Saskia, you know the one), and the incessant calls of: "You! You! Motorbike!", to which I am always tempted to reply: "You! You! Annoying!". The old quarter of Hanoi was quite interesting. It consists of 36 streets named after the merchandise that was originally sold on that street, such as: Hang Cot = Bamboo Lattice St., and Thuoc Bac = Herbal Medicine St. However, someone clearly needs to tell the Hanoi authorities to change the street names in order to bring them up to date: some examples include Pirate DVD St., Cheap Plastic Chinese-made Toy St., and Internet Cafe / Rip-off Bus Ticket St.

I caught my first train in Vietnam (for which tourists pay 4 times what the locals pay) which was quite an experience: faced with a choice of hard sleeper, soft sleeper, and soft seat, for a 16 hour night train, I chose hard sleeper as it was the cheapest and I was in a hard-core budget travelling mood. Big mistake. Despite being assured it was a "thin mattress", I arrived to find a small sweaty cabin with 6 large wooden shelves, just big enough to fit a Vietnamese person on each. The bars on the windows and doors added to the whole Auschwitz atmosphere. Four of these "beds" were occupied - by 6 people! Yes, not satisfied with the already laughably cheap price of $4, this family had squeezed 6 people into 4 bunks to save money. My mattress was a thin bamboo beach mat, and my pillow had been taken by one of the sleeping Vietnamese. To say I slept well would be bending the truth. Lets just say that when I got to Hanoi I pushed the boat out and got an air-con room with satellite telly and my own bathroom for the exorbitant price of 3 dollars!

The traffice in Vietnamese cities is pure chaos - huge herds of mopeds and no apparent rules of the road. For a while we weren't sure if they drove on the left or the right. Crossing the road was at first a daunting prospect - after standing and waiting for a gap for some time, we noticed several people, including a decrepit old woman - had miraculously managed to cross without getting hit. After a few near-misses we soon discovered that the trick is to step out into the street with barely a glance towards the oncoming traffic, and without breaking stride. Then you maintain this pace without looking at the oncoming traffic, and above all you don't stop or run. They just go round you - it's quite scary at first but after a while you feel like Moses parting the red sea.

On a trip to Halong bay, an amazing world-heritage seascape of hundreds of jungly islands with sheer rock-faces descending into the sea, I got talking to our guide, a smart young girl with good english. I was curious about how communism works in practice, and we eventually got around to the subject of censorship. She told me that the government controls everything broadcast on television and radio by restricting which cable channels are allowed, and the newspapers are all state-run. Even the BBC is not allowed. There is also a huge list of books which are not allowed to be published. She explained that the government thinks it's a bad idea, for example, that people should read books about young people living together without being married, because it's wrong. Also, a lot of books about the american war published outside Vietnam are banned because the information they contain is "wrong" (i.e. different to what the propaganda machine of Vietnam want sthe people to believe).

I explained that in the west we believe that we should be able to read both sides of the story and make up our own mind. I then asked her what she thought of the fact that the government decides what she should and shouldn't be able to read. She said she thought it was a good idea. My jaw dropped. We soon established that she really did support the government's policy to protect society from "social evils", even if by doing so they could prevent publication of different political viewpoints and hence control political dissent. Wow. Most of the other tourists who had been listening in were also pretty shocked at her naivete. Government indoctrination and brainwashing, or protection from "Social Evils" and Western hedonism? You decide.

Saw some pretty funny examples of Government propaganda when I visited the "Hanoi Hilton", the French-built jail where American POWs were held during the Vietnam war, now a museum. The constant rhetoric about the "heroic patriots", subjected to "barbarous repression" by the "colonial masters" was quite entertaining. The funniest caption we found, though, was this one about the treatment of american POWs:

"Despite the untold evil and vicious crimes committed against the innocent people of North Vietnam by the US imperialist dogs, American prisoners kept here were well treated..."

I see.

Found dog on the menu the other day, along with frog, snake and pigeon. Perhaps this is why Hanoi seems to be lacking the packs of mangy dogs that haunt all the other big Asian cities I've seen.

Later,

Matt

PS For those of you who don't know DMZ stands for De-Militarized Zone.

16th June 2002: Saigon, Vietnam

Hey folks, we have finally managed to escape from Thailand and we are in Vietnam.

Whilst waiting for our (exorbitantly expensive) Vietnam visas in Bangkok, we went to see the bridge on the river kwai, and had a ride on an elephant(very bumpy). We've found it quite difficult to cross the roads in Bangkok. They tend to have about 12 lanes of honking traffic (much of it mopeds) and the pedestrian crossings seem to serve more as pedestrian target areas. The Thais like to have competitions as to who can squeeze the most number of people (typically one large extended family) onto a moped. The most we've seen is 6.

Been to floating markets, ate a scorpion (don't worry it was dead - but not very tasty) and witnessed various bizarre accidents.

Everyone is football crazy over here - apparently there's some sort of competition going on in Japan or something...

Temples at Angkor were amazing. Had a bizarre day on bikes riding around the jungle. First came across a family of fairly tame monkeys crossing the road, who enjoyed climbing my bike. Then we saw a man riding a moped with a live pig the size of a fridge strapped to the back of his bike. Some small girls we met told us that Dean was very handsome but that I looked like a monkey! Dean enjoyed this very much.

Cambodia makes Bolivia look advanced and developed. It has about 2 roads in the whole country! Visited the killing fields outside of Pnomh Penh - pretty heavy stuff. Then they took us to a shooting range where we were shown a menu of different guns we could fire - everything from AK-47s to bazookas! We weren't really in the mood but that soon changed. So we emptied 30 rounds from a Kalashnikov into a target. What a buzz!

Got out of Pnomh Penh (it was a dump) and we are now in Saigon, which is great. Just been to the "War Remnants museum", which used to be called the "Museum of American War Crimes". Having visited it, I think they probably should have kept the old name! Honestly, what were the Yanks thinking!? Well I'm glad to report we've bought 3 books on the subject so we can find out. French influence here is very welcome. First bread since Australia, and it's quality French baguettes with Normandy butter. Mmmmm..... So we're hanging around here until our respective colons stabilize, then we're going somewhere else.

Wandering around a small border town in Vietnam yesterday was crazy. Practically everyone we saw shouted hello at us - especially the little kids! Felt like Paul McCartney.

31st May 2002: Ko Tao, Thailand

Hey folks,

Here I am in Thailand. Have come here by way of Singapore and Malaysia, travelling with a friend from Uni. Dean and I have travelled together to such far-away places as Paris, Singapore, and Hull. We met up in Singapore, where we stayed with a friend of mine who has a lush $3/4m apartment. Not exactly roughing it just yet! After being shown around Singapore on the back of a motorbike driven by a lunatic chinese guy (scary), we made it to Malaysia. Tried hitchiking, but got smiles and friendly waves. Weren't sure if they thought we were waving at them, or if they were trying to tell us to get the bus. Anyway after 40 mins we got bored and took the bus - it was only 50p! Change for the hotel that night was provided by a local prostitute, gender of whom was unclear. Soon made it to the perhentian islands - absolutely gorgeous!! Almost unspoiled islands with beautiful beaches, impeccable weather (no wait, it was actually too sunny), and sea temperatures over 30 degrees . It was like swimming in the bath! Did some diving, read books, then got bored (no alcohol you see) and went to Thailand.

We arrived on Koh Pha-Ngan just in time for the legendary full moon on hat rin beach. Originally a hippy-style "let's dance barefoot in the sand, man" event, it now has regular attendances of thousands. The drink of choice is cheap whiskey, coke and red bull served in a sand castle bucket. Very approriate I'm sure. Add to this the fact that the redbull contains speed and you have a recipe for an interesting night! Within 24 hours of arriving on Koh Pha-Ngan, bumped into 9 - yes NINE - people I know, including Juliet Ellerton, Liz Lyttle, Carl (Em's ex), and Keith and Andy. Very peculiar!

NB don't try riding a moped with 2 people on it after a big drug-fuelled night out - especially with a puncture.

Found cheap restaurant which smelt suspiciously of dog. Nice food though...

Had a great birthday on the beach, another big night and no sleep! Yay!

Now we are on the way to Bangkok, which will be a shock to the system after all those beaches.

Seeya
Matt

26th May 2002: Sydney

Hi all,

It's been many kilometres and almost as many months since my last little newsletter from the front line.

So get a cuppa and make yourself comfortable, or just press delete now!

Stopped working when my Mum came out to visit Em and I, and we took off to Queensland for a visit to Fraser Island - one great big huge island with jungle, beautiful lakes, and a 70 mile beach. Said goodbye to Mum and sis in Brissie just before going to watch Jamiroquai and Groove Armada in concert, then down to the fantastic Byron Bay. Loved it!

After a brief but expensive stop in Sydney, I headed off to Melbourne in a campervan with 5 others of assorted nationalities. This was a fab trip - we camped out every night, went swimming in the sea at least twice a day, and got pissed every night. The first morning I was woken up by a kangaroo sniffing at my face! That was a new one on me...

Met up with my sister and my Dad in Melbourne and we went to the Australian Grand Prix, which was incredible! Very noisy, lots of petrolheads, and the atmosphere was amazing. The next day we got a hire car and drove around melbourne to visit some wineries, and then across to the mclaren vale near adelaide, where I got a job in a winery. No, not picking grapes, but making wine. Well, pumping it about the place anyway. The job was full-on, 12-hour shifts, night and day, but it was a great crew, we had a good time, and I saved up a good bit of greenback.

So then I hooked up with Crispy, a mate from way back, and we had ourselves a little roadtrip up through the red centre with a couple of english girls in a Ford Falcon with some camping gear in the back. The girl who owned the car was something of a character. We were all subjected to her meaningless ramblings in a nasal Norfolk accent, on a prodigious range of topics - her car, her dogs, her friends, along with huge numbers of pointless anecdotes. We managed to avoid being bored to tears in the car as Crispy was dj-ing in the front - luckily he had brought his minidisc supply, or we could have risked being subjected to a non-stop torrent of either Stef's drivel, or Bryan Adams and Savage Garden, for 4000km. A narrow escape!

It was a great trip though - sleeping under the stars, playing chicken with emus (ask Crispy), climbing Ayer's Rock, Kings Canyon, not to mention the backwater towns and their associated bizarre characters...

The Northern Territory is fantastic, but it's extremely large, and the scenery is all pretty much the same, which makes for some very tedious driving. In their effort to combat the boredom associated with these long journeys and encourage more people to visit the Northern Territory, the NT government decided to liven things up by doing away with speed limits on the highways! We were both looking forward to cranking out the miles as soon as we crossed the border, but no, Stef decided that it wasn't big or clever and so we were to stick to a far more sensible 110 km/h. Typical. In a place where you can legally emulate your favourite Formula 1 driver, we were going at a speed which wouldn't even get us a podium finish in a milk-float race.

We ditched the girls at the earliest possible opportunity. This was in Katherine, with its spectacular gorge. Then we hired a Mitsubushi.... and floored it! Yes, I can report that driving at 225 km/h is big AND clever AND lots of fun. We even passed police cars with impunity, waving and smiling!

When we got to tropical Darwin the main event was a trip to Kakadu. This place was real Crocodile Dundee country. Aboriginal cave paintings, jumping crocs, secluded (and hopefully croc-free)swimming holes and waterfalls. Our guide was a native, and he really knew his stuff. We even ate kangaroo tail (tastes like chicken, of course).

Next stop Cairns, for a live-aboard dive course on the barrier reef. Did a couple of night dives, chased sharks, saw turtles, lionfish, giant clams, masses of reef fish, beautiful coral, wow! Plus I am now a certified advanced open water diver. Time was getting pretty tight at this stage, so went straight to Airlie Beach for a trip to the Whitsunday Islands, a spectacular archipelago of picturesque islands. We were on a boat that won the Sydney - Hobart race in 1984, and I was doing a sailing course, so it was all pretty exhilarating stuff. Then it was a mammoth bus ride back to Sydney, and a few days to post stuff home and try and sort out my tax (aaaaaargh!!).

I have now finally left oz, just a few days before my visa was to expire and the men from immigration came to hunt me down.

Until next time

Matt

10th September 2001: Sydney

Well, as you may have noticed I lost my tendency to write long emails from the field somewhere in darkest Peru.
Anyway I am sorry to report that I'm still alive and kicking!
A brief fill-in: Peru - Bolivia - Chile - Paraguay - Brazil - Uruguay - Argentina - New Zealand.
Highlights included:
A day mountain biking downhill non-stop from the snowline to the jungle.
White water rafting down the sacred valley of the incas.
Brazilian women.
5 days in a landcruiser going across the salt flats and other bizarre martian scenery in Bolivia.

I arrived in Australia in May and have been here since. I've just left a (crap) job doing data entry for an insurance company (yawn), and am now doing a short stint as a researcher for a fund manager at AMP (nice one Campo!).
Life is pretty agreeable out here. The winter weather is never below 12 degrees, and summer is on the way (apparently it gets to 35). Bondi beach is walkable from my house (but only if you're feeling energetic). My office is on the 17th floor overlooking the harbour, the bridge and the opera house. All in all there's not really much to complain about. Sydney nightlife is pretty wild, and I am in the processing of conducting an in-depth study into the various watering-holes.

It's all worryingly domestic; I've got my nice little house in leafy suburbia, my mobile phone, my stereo. What happened!?!? Well, it is certainly a change from living out of a backpack for a year. Once I've saved up a bit of cash (ie sometime next february), I might get off my arse and have a look around this country.
Then, if I can afford it, I'll buy a plane ticket home.
We'll see.


Matt

17th March 2001: Huaraz, Peru

Well I guess I can't really postpone it much longer. I have been back in South America for four weeks, which have taken me on a quick tour of Colombia, and down as far as the Cordillera Blanca de los Andes in Huaraz, Peru.

Colombia certainly has a reputation amongst the gringo travellers I met in Ecuador. In 3 months I met only one who had been there, who reassured me that it was not as bad as it is portrayed. When the quirks of international airline ticket pricing landed me in Bogota, I figured it was worth a quick tour. My concession was to take internal flights rather than the 20-hour bus rides through coca-growing guerilla-controlled areas. The first of these flights was to Santa Marta in the north - the plan was to visit Parque Tayrone and Cartagena, but first I needed to get my hair cut.

Having found a local barbershop, I sat patiently while the barber deftly dealt with his current customer. The paint was peeling off the walls and the chairs were of the old-fashioned type, with footrest and a leather back. When the barber finished his customer, the two men swapped places, and the customer started on the barber's hair.

Then the myopic pensioner who had arrived shortly after I did stood up and to my horror beckoned me to the second chair in the shop! I tentatively took a seat, and he picked up the electric clippers. His hands were shaking considerably even before he switched on his clippers. Faced with a decrepit 90 year old with inch thick glasses about to massacre my head, I suppose it was the English reserve that kept me in my seat. His lack of teeth proved a considerable challenge to effective communication. I let him do his worst, resolving to shave it all off at the next opportunity. When he picked up the cut-throat razor, trembling gently, I steeled myself for the worst.

By the end of half-an-hour (arthritis slows one down so) my hairstyle could be perhaps be best described as pudding bowl meets lawnmower attack. An improvement, I hear you cry - you would probably be right.

Parque Nacional Tayrone is a national park on the Caribbean coast, isolated from civilization by a lengthy bus journey (accompanied by various farmyard animals) and a 2 hour hike through the jungle to the beach. When I finally arrived, hot and sweaty, it took my breath away. I really had found paradise. Waves crashed onto an white beach empty except for palm trees, a couple of colombianas and a sprinkling of coconuts. Along the beach was the accommodation, (namely) some cabañas made from palm leaves, with hammocks stretched between the trees, and a couple of tents. Needless to say I stayed here for much longer than scheduled. I spent the days refining my machete technique for opening coconuts, and visiting deserted beaches.

What else to report?
The women in Colombia are plentiful and of a very high calibre, much like the drugs.
I have found that Valium makes long bus journeys fly by.
I have discovered the richness of colombia's jugos (fruit juices), made in front of you from bizarre-looking fruit with names like guanábana and maracuya (my personal favourite).
And finally I have decided that if ever I decide to get married, I will come to Colombia.

Having spent far longer in Colombia than I had originally intended, I needed to get my skates on. After a brief stopover in Quito, I bussed it non-stop to Trujillo on the Peruvian coast, and from there, a night bus (diazepam-enhanced) to Huaraz, in the heart of the Andes. From the town square no less than 23 snow-capped peaks over 5000 m are visible. The place is a mecca for international climbers, but unfortunately it is the wet season and the weather is, er , wet. Time soon to bus it to the coast and get stuck in to the gringo trail proper: I am braced for fat camera-toting American tourists and cunning thieves.

Wish me luck…

Hasta luego, Matt



Wish me luck

Hasta luego,
Matt

17th January 2001: Lima, Peru

Hello all,
I would like to apologise first of all for my extreme laziness in getting round to putting this latest exciting (just pretend, ok?) email together. I have been prompted by an inbox, which last time I checked, had 47 emails in asking where I am and if I have been drowned/captured by guerillas/eaten by giant tortoises. Sorry to disappoint, but I am still alive and kicking, and worse, heading back to Blighty v. soon!!
After my last message, I got on a plane to the far-flung (and devastatingly expensive) Galapagos islands, 1000 km into the Pacific. Upon arrival in Peurto Ayora, a sleepy little fishing town, I walked down Charles Darwin Avenue, past the Charles Darwin Hotel and the Charles Darwin brothel (only kidding) towards the Charles Darwin research station. All of this proved highly amusing to start with, but the novelty wore off after at least 10 minutes. After saying hello to some enormous and very dopey-looking tortoises, I sorted myself out with a 7 day tour to visit some of the 42 islands and islets scattered across the archipelago.
They are called the enchanted isles, and now I know why. Because there are no land predators, almost all of the animals are amazingly tame. On the first island we visited, we were wandering down the beach when suddenly a big rock in front of us released an enormous belch and sat up. Ok so it was a sealion. But these animals are so tame, that you can go right up to them. In fact the babies are very curious and will often lumber up to you and sniff your feet! Later the same day I was snorkelling with tropical reef fish and penguins (this is the only place in the world where you can do that) and suddenly a sealion's face appeared in front of my mask! Very cool indeed.
Some of the most bizarre animals on the islands were the marine iguanas. These are unique to galapagos, and there are absolutely masses of them. You can get quite close to them if you move slowly, and they really look bizarre; every now and again they spit salt out of their nostrils. Then there were the albatrosses: apart from a couple of nesting pairs on an island just off the coast of Ecuador, the entire world population of waved albatrosses lives on just one small island in the galapagos. We watched them waddle to the cliff edge one by one then leap off. Apparently they can spend up to 10 years without coming back to land! You can wander right up to nesting blue-footed boobies and they don't bat an eyelid. Do birds have eyelids? Anyway the next day we saw some land iguanas and watch a sealion return to its colony after having a chunk taken out of it by a shark. Then as we were standing on the beach, we saw just a couple of metres into the water a school of white-tipped sharks cruising menacingly. And yes I know it sounds silly, and they were only 1 metre long, but there definitely menace in the cruise, ok?
"And now you can to esnorkel!", said our guide. Which we did, as apparently they are not dangerous. On one island the land iguanas had become extinct: during the second world war, the americans had an airbase on the island and all the GIs went out and used the iguanas for target practice! No comment...
Almost forgot, I got attacked by a bull sealion when I was snorkelling. I was oblivious to it all, just snorkelling away, when I lifted my head out of the water and everyone was beckoning me urgently out of the water. I didn't turn around, I just thought it would either be a shark or a sealion so it was time for a sharp exit. At the water's edge I turned to see a quarter of a ton of mustachioed mammal lunging at me with his huge teeth bared, burping like a lunatic. A close shave.
After the cruise, I stayed in Puerto Ayora for a week or so, which was great. The best day was when I managed to persuade a dive shop that I was good enough to go out with them. You're supposed to be certified, but I've only done one open water dive. So I went out on the dive boat with about 5 others (all much more experienced than me), and lo and behold, the minute we went down, we were surrounded by hammerhead sharks, a huge school of barracuda, giant sea turtles that come up and swim round you, galapagos sharks, huge eagle rays, etc. All very impressive really.
Anyway I've decided that words cannot describe the galapagos very well (convenient for me as I don't have to write any more about it). You'll just have to look at my photographs instead.
Pretty soon I was back on the mainland, and after a short stay with my friends in Guayaquil (la familia de Guerra, me acuerdo todovia de ustedes!), I was back in the Andean highlands where the clouds swirl round the forested slopes and the bus drivers play chicken on the winding mountain roads.
When El Nino hit in 98, it took out the main railway line between Quito and Guayaquil. There was no spare money to fix it, so it fell into disrepair. There is one spectacular section which was unaffected, and this is kept open for tourists. The line climbs 4000 m in about 50km, and it is a spectacular ride, with the famous (well it is in ecuador anyway) "devils' nose" double switchback. It was a truly bizarre sight seeing a couple of old cattle trucks with about 150 gringos sitting on the roof, at 6:30 in the morning, and 8 year-old kids selling cushions and coffee.
After visiting the beautiful colonial town of Cuenca, I found my way to the tranquil Vilcabamba, in the valley of longevity. Allegedly everyone lives to 150 here, and judging by the beauty of the place, I am not surprised. However it could have something to do with the locally produced hallucinogenic cactus juice called San Pedro! Together with Keith and Andy, my new-found buddies, we had a little dabble. When we arrived we all had plans to leave within a couple of days, but we all ended up staying for Christmas. I rest my case. We stayed in cabanas on the hillside, there was a pool, a jacuzzi, a fantastic dinner every night (truly a novelty for the backpacker), beautiful views and massages. In that order.
I finally tore myself away from the plase on boxing day. In typical Darwin style, I arrived at the bus station 5 minutes before the bus was due to depart. Oops, I have made a mistake, and it left 25 minutes ago. Bugger. A 9 hour journey across the border with a flight connection to Lima, and from there, London. Astonishingly, they put me on a bus to a different destination, and radioed ahead to the first bus to wait for me while the second bus was in hot pursuit! Needless to say I got plenty of dirty looks from the people on the second bus, but I didn't care. Finally I was on my way to Lima, and from there, home.
Tomorrow morning I get up at some ungodly hour to get on a plane to New York, and then after hanging around for 6 hours (any ideas?) I get an overnight flight to the land of floods, snow, petrol shortages (I still don't understand what that was all about), train crashes(?) and miserable weather. I am clearly mad.
Signing out, Matt
P.S. Things I'm looking forward to when I get back
1. Seeing friends and family; I have to put this one first otherwise I'll be in trouble.
2. Music!! Chemical Brothers, Pink Floyd... I have been putting a playlist together now for almost a week. Watch out neighbours, here I come.
3. English breakfast. Say no more.
4. A hot bath. Yes I do wash out here, but I haven't had a bath since about January.

P.P.S. All contributions to the Matt Darwin Galapagos "I am now poor" fund are greatly welcomed.

12th November 2000: Quito, Ecuador (again)

Hey everybody,
It's been a long time coming, but the eagerly-awaited and latest installment of the captain's log (no jokes please) is finally here!! Have been in Ecuador now for about two weeks and it has been great so far.

Quito is set in the Andes at 2800m (ie quite high). It sits in a valley where the Andes range splits in half, so it has mountains rising to the east and west (no snow though). It has a beautiful old colonial part and then the part where I live; ie a bit smelly and dirty, con mucho concrete.

Actually there is not much to report as I have been at the language school during the week and have not been able to see that much of Ecuador. However I have now finished school and today is the official start of my travelling - am catching a bus to Otovalo, and then on Monday I am going to the jungle for 5 days. However this is all marred by the fact that I am still recovering from one of the worst hangovers known to man.

The family I was living with while I was at the school where really nice - they even had a maid who washed my clothes and made my bed - Alright!!!


Climbed Mt. Pichincha (semi-active volcano - 4800m) with some friends on the first sunday I was here. On our way up we passed a jeep on its way down the track; on our way back down it was a smoking wreck by the side of the road, so that was slightly unnerving. Oh, and got extremely sunburnt. Last weekend I took a night bus ( not pleasant) to the coast to stay with some people who I met on the plane! The husband used to be a naval attache for Ecuador, and so the family spent a long time in Germany while he was shopping for warships for the Ecuadorian Navy. They were really friendly and they have a daughter my age too (Hola Andrea!), so I went out drinking with her and her friends every night, which was a wild. On the day I arrived we went out sailing on a 45 ft yacht - it even had a 4 man crew! So I just kicked back and enjoyed G&T with the girls!!! Oh, and got sunburnt. On Saturday we went to the beach (yet more sunburn) and then on Sunday we went for a tour of the naval training base before heading back. All in all it was a pretty cool weekend!!

If any of you want postcards, email me with your address.

Actually email me anyway.

Matt

23rd October 2000: Los Angeles - Quito

Hey everybody, yes, it´s that time again where I bore you with all the news from the field. In our last exciting episode, Matt was just about to board a plane back to the US from Mexico. Did US customs let him back in the country? What was the food on the plane like? Read on...

Well Ruth and I had an awesome time in mexico - she then went back to the wilds of Bristol, while I turned west and went to visit Señor Richard Pitt, a friend from Hereford who had the good sense to escape while he could and head out to San Francisco 11(?) years ago. Wow what a beautiful city!! No offence to the americans amongst you but there aren´t that many beautiful cities in the land of the free; however San Francisco is it! Had an awesome time - Richard did me the tour of the city and the bay area by motorcycle - wow. Then I met up with Sporty Pedro from Portugal who I last saw 18 months ago in Toulouse!

Then I met up first thing in the morning with my trek group, and we set off in one of the those big 15 person vans for Yosemite national park. The group consisted of 2 swiss guys, one czech guy, 2 czech girls, one SA girl, 2 japanese girls, 4 swedish au pair girls, and me. I had a feeling it was going to be a fun trip.

Yosemite was intense. Hiked to the top of Yosemite falls and nearly fell off - oops! The campsite was full of signs saying "Bear country - do not leave any food in tents!", together with a photo showing the remains of a VW Jetta after it had been mauled by a bear trying to get at a packet of polos or something. We slept lightly. Next day we headed off for Vegas. It was fun but for the fact that most of our party were under 21. This posed a significant obstacle to a good night out in the town where you can do your photocopying at 3am, where prostitution and gambling are legal but you can´t order a glass of water or stand near a roulette table without being over 21. So we did the obvious thing which was to stock up on vodka and beer and head back to somebody´s hotel room. Unfortunately this turned out to be mine...
It was actually a great night, the highlight of which was a 2 man karaoke show invloving a personal CD player and 2 tiny speakers. Oh, and I did a bungee jump over the Vegas strip.

After a couple of nights in Vegas the next stop was the Grand Canyon. Got there just as the sun was about to set, and it was spectacular. We were going to get up in time for the sunrise the next day, but another campfire party ensued that night. I don´t remember much about the karaoke on top of the van, but there you go. That somewhat put paid to any ambitions we had about getting up early. Muggins here chose that night to sleep on top of the van, and in the morning my sleeping bag and karrimat were covered in frost. Yes, it was VERY cold.

Anyway we stayed over the next night at Lake Mead, Arizona. Once again the stereo in the van proved its worth, and I have vague recollections of standing on top of the van singing (massacring?) "You can call me Al" at the top of my voice some time in the early hours. The trip ended in LA, and pretty much everyone dispersed straight away except for me and the swedish girls. What was I supposed to do!? Sunday saw us cruising round LA in a soft-top mustang (British Racing Green of course) checking out the beaches and generally chilling out!! Wow.

On the Monday I took a flight to Quito in the morning, and arrived 11:30 pm. Not the best time to arrive in a city like Quito, but there it is. Found my host family, who are very amiable. It´s like living with my Grandma - food constantly being forced upon me. Can´t complain. The language school is about 10 mins walk from the house. There must be about 20 students, from such diverse places as Alaska, Germany, Denmark, Holland, Sweden, Switzerland, and the UK. Everyone is young and friendly, and so the atmosphere is very good.

Am still recovering from a night out on the town in Quito - highly recommended. Haven´t seen anything of Quito or Ecuador as yet - there is a beautiful colonial part of the town which I will visit on Monday. Tomorrow I am hoping to get to the Indian market at Otovalo, and Sunday am climbing Mt. Pichincha with the Alaskan guys. Will report back soon

Salutations, Matt - your Ecuador correspondent

Stay tuned for next week´s exciting episode.....